So Messi got 700+ goals before most of us finished our first Netflix binge… and still had more assists than Jordan’s entire legacy? 🤯 The data doesn’t cry — it just quietly wins. At 36, he wasn’t ‘clutch’ — he was the whole damn field. Meanwhile, MJ retired at 41 like a spreadsheet that forgot to save. Who’s greater? Check the heatmaps. Or better yet… click for the GIF: Messi threading an assist like Mozart conducting chaos.

(Yes, that’s not nostalgia — it’s expected goals per minute.)

Japan finished 17th? Cool story. Their pass completion rate was 89%—but their xG? .41 per match. Iran? .76. So they didn’t lose because they tried… they lost because their shots were whispering to the net like shy poets at midnight.

Meanwhile, Australia drew ‘victory’ while sipping lattes and pretending it was clutch.

Real power isn’t in the roar—it’s in the variance.

So… if Japan wins World Cup next time, should we use Python or just pray?

👇 What’s your team’s xG/90? (I’m betting it’s lower than my cat’s Wi-Fi signal.)